6 Tips on How to Successfully Co-Parent

6 Tips on How to Successfully Co-Parent

1. Look After You

First up, you can’t put your kids first no matter how much you want without making sure you are in a good place – it’s just impossible. Separating is emotional stuff, and getting a divorce therapist or coach to help you through the initial stages can help you have all the strategies and tools to start this new part of your journey. Getting to a good place, quickly is essential not only for your mental health but also to help you be in a better place as a parent.

2. Define Your New Co-parenting Relationship

Trying to pick up from where you left off is unlikely to work! Your relationship as partners has ended, but your parenting relationship continues. However, it continues on a different footing. Old familiarities are no longer appropriate, and it’s time to redefine the boundaries. You’re aiming for polite, calm, respectful and neutral. Make proposals, not demands and start
conversations positively by asking for your co-parents’ opinions.

3. Complete Control is Not an Option

Disputes often arise because you feel frustrated that your ex-partner does things differently to you or even feel the children are upset by those differences. Different parenting styles will usually be a bone of contention, but it’s pointless spending time and energy on trying to control a situation that put simply – you can’t. Instead, find the time and place to discuss how you both want to parent, look for similarities, and agree on some basic house rules e.g. what time the children should go to bed, homework routine, and discipline.

4. Be Flexible

Plan for change and manage it well. Whether you have informal arrangements to meet the needs of your children, or a documented parenting plan, you will need to regularly revisit your arrangements as the children grow. Plan regular time, for example, every six months to a year, to discuss arrangements and check all the children’s needs are recognised.

Even if you have a legally binding Consent Order and providing it is safe, you can still have your agreement reviewed and enter a parenting plan. There are, of course, legal consequences of doing this, and you should take legal advice if you want to vary the terms of your Consent Order.

5. Use Parenting Apps

Invest in a tool that supports your new family set-up. There are several good co-parenting apps available that help support positive communication. Co-parenting apps can help your family manage appointments, events, holidays, and you can communicate with your ex without having to engage in contentious conversations.

Reducing the burden on each other to remember messages or create emails from scratch minimises the opportunity for miscommunication and ultimately helps to reduce conflict.

6. Listen to your Children

Children are often ignored in all of this. You need to tell them what’s happening and understand how they’re feeling. Keep things simple and age-appropriate. Avoid blaming either parent; always be truthful about situations but not explicit in the details you give – your personal life remains your personal life.

Most importantly of all, learn to listen to your children. Create time and space to give them your full attention and just listen. Don’t interrupt or ask too many questions, and don’t try and solve or minimise their concerns.

By working together with your ex-partner, you can create a good co-parenting relationship. If, communication has broken down, agreeing and facilitating parenting arrangements can be challenging. A family lawyer can help you understand your legal position and a mediator or lawyer can help you get back on track and develop a parenting plan that works.

Arora Legal offers a range of fixed-fee legal and mediation services.  To find out how we can help you, BOOK your free 15-minute consult today or call 07 3180 0129 and speak to our specialist lawyer.  By contacting us today, you can take the first step towards resolving your family law issue and moving on to a brighter future.