8 Must-Do Steps When Going Through a Separation
The month of January sees more couples seeking legal advice than any other point during the year – and after the stress of Christmas, it’s hardly surprising. Eating and drinking too much; spending time cooped up in the house together; putting up with each other’s relatives can all put a significant strain on your relationship. It’s no wonder that many couples start to question the state of their relationship.
For some couples, marriage counselling may be enough to get things back on track. But sadly, for others, this means a separation or divorce.
But what should you do when you’ve made the decision to separate? What practical steps should you take to safeguard your position? What arrangements should you make for your children?
Knowing what you should do, in the days and weeks following separation, will help you enter a new phase of your life calm, organised and in control. Whether it’s the children or the money you’re worried about, we’ll explore the practical things you can and should be doing NOW. Failing to act, could mean bigger and yes, pricier problems down the track!
1. Note Your Date Of Separation
The first thing you should do is to note your date of separation. This date is important because it calculates any time limits you have to bring a family law property settlement claim and make a divorce application. This date will also be used for any claims made to Centrelink, Medicare and the Child Support Agency.
2. Change Passwords & Pins
In today’s digital world, your personal information and data are often stored in the cloud – a system that allows access from multiple devices simply by logging into your account. This can be incredibly convenient, but it also poses serious risks if someone else, such as a former partner, has access to your accounts.
Whether you’re separating from an abusive partner or simply seeking to safeguard your digital privacy, it’s crucial to take immediate steps to secure your online accounts and cloud-based services.
Here’s how you can do that.
Change Passwords and Login Methods
Start by updating your passwords across all key accounts, including:
- Email (Gmail, Outlook, Yahoo)
- Messaging apps (WhatsApp, iMessage, Messenger)
- Cloud storage (Google Drive, iCloud, OneDrive)
- Social media (Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat)
- Banking and government services (MyGov, Centrelink, Medicare)
Choose strong, unique passwords and enable two-factor authentication (2FA) where available. Avoid reusing passwords across accounts.
Choose random passwords using apps that can generate them, such as LastPass, or Norton Password Manager.
Create New Accounts Where Possible
If you suspect your accounts are being monitored or accessed, create entirely new accounts using a secure device:
- Set up a new email address and use this to register new accounts.
- Create fresh Apple IDs and Google Accounts to disconnect from shared “Find My” or “Find My Device” features.
- Open new accounts for banks, MyGov, social media, and streaming services, like Netflix or Stan.
Avoid syncing these new accounts with any old ones that could be accessible to the other party.
Unlink and Avoid Shared or Family Accounts
Review all “Family Sharing” and shared accounts, especially those your children may still be linked to with the other parent. Common apps that allow shared access include:
- Messaging and calendar apps
- Shared drives and photo albums
- Streaming and subscription services (Spotify, Netflix)
Important: If you remove someone from a shared Apple Family account, they may receive a notification. Consider whether this could escalate risk before making changes.
Avoid Financial Linkages to Shared Bank Accounts
When setting up new accounts, make sure they are not connected to any financial accounts the other person can see.
Be mindful that:
- PayID can reveal your name and email.
- Most banks display your full name when someone enters your BSB and account number during a transaction.
Where privacy is essential, use traditional payment methods or set up secure, standalone bank accounts.
Check for Email Forwarding or Monitoring
Your ex-partner may have set up automatic email forwarding, so they receive copies of your messages. To check for this:
- Go into your email settings (Gmail, Outlook, Yahoo).
- Look for a “Forwarding” section.
- Delete or disable any unfamiliar email addresses linked to your account.
Back Up Important Data Safely
If you’re worried about losing access to shared content like photos, videos, or documents, make your own backup. Use a secure external hard drive rather than relying on cloud-based platforms where access may be compromised.
3. Tracking Your Location After Separation
Many people don’t realise how easily their movements can be tracked through their phone, car, or online accounts. Fortunately, there are effective ways to stop someone from tracking you and safeguard your personal data and location.
Check and Remove Unfamiliar Device Connections
Review your Bluetooth connections and unlink any unfamiliar pairings.
Secure Your Car’s Connectivity
Check your vehicle’s internal GPS and connected apps like Tesla, Hyundai Bluelink or BMW ConnectedDrive. Remove unknown users and contact your provider for support.
Turn Off GPS and Location Sharing Services
Disable services like Find My iPhone, Google Find My Device, and Samsung Find My Mobile. These services are helpful for lost devices but can be misused for surveillance if the account is compromised.
Limit App Location Access
Review location permissions for apps like fitness trackers, rideshare and delivery services. If you have children, adjust their device settings to avoid unintentionally sharing your location.
Check for Physical Tracking Devices
Look out for tracking tools like Apple AirTags or Tiles hidden in your belongings. If you find one, dispose of it safely and away from your residence.
Protect Camera and Microphone Access
In your privacy settings, disable access for unknown apps. Use tape or a camera cover when not in use.
4. Stay In The House
Unless you or your children are experiencing, or are at risk of experiencing, family violence, it is generally advisable to remain in the family home—at least in the short term. There are several reasons for this.
Firstly, once you leave the property, it can be difficult to regain access. If your former partner refuses to allow you back in, you may need their consent or a court order to return. In some cases, they may even be granted exclusive possession of the home until a property settlement is reached.
Secondly, if your name is on the mortgage, you remain legally responsible for the repayments, regardless of whether you are living in the home or not. If your ex-partner stops making payments, you could find yourself liable for the full amount, while also having to cover the cost of renting elsewhere.
If you do move out and continue to pay the mortgage while your former partner stays in the home, this financial contribution will be considered when your property settlement is determined. However, it’s important to understand that you may not be reimbursed dollar-for-dollar.
If you decide that leaving the family home is necessary, make sure you take any personal belongings or documents you may need or wish to keep. This includes your passport, birth and marriage certificates, financial documents relating to the relationship, and your children’s birth certificates and passports.
5. Children
Child Custody
When separating from your partner, one of the most immediate and emotionally charged issues you’ll face is deciding on parenting arrangements. As a parent, your primary concern will naturally be your children’s wellbeing—both now and into the future. But separation can quickly bring up difficult questions: Where will the children live? How much time will they spend with each parent? Who will make decisions about schooling, healthcare, and day-to-day routines?
In the short term, it’s important to establish practical and stable arrangements as soon as possible. These early decisions help give your children a sense of security and continuity while you work through longer-term solutions. Long-term arrangements should be guided by what is in the children’s best interests, considering their age, developmental needs, and individual personalities.
Parents often become fixated on achieving a 50/50 care arrangement—believing this is the only “fair” outcome. But equal time is not always suitable or feasible, particularly when young children are involved or where work schedules, distance between homes, or school commitments make such arrangements impractical. The law doesn’t require equal time; it requires that any arrangements promote the children’s physical, emotional and psychological wellbeing.
As Brisbane Child Custody Lawyers, common parenting disputes we see after separation include:
- Where the children will live
- How changeovers will occur
- School selection and extracurricular activities
- Access to medical information or decision-making rights
- Communication between the children and the other parent
- Holiday arrangements and special occasions
If you and your former partner cannot agree on these matters, you will generally be required to attempt family mediation before applying to the court for parenting orders – unless an exemption applies (for example, where there is a risk of family violence or child abuse).
Family Mediation provides a structured and supported environment to help parents reach agreement without going to court.
At Arora Legal, we offer family law mediation, that focuses on reducing conflict and helping parents reach workable and child-focused outcomes. If an agreement is reached, we can also help formalise it in a parenting plan or consent orders.
Child Support
Child support is the money a parent pays towards their child’s upbringing. All parents are responsible for supporting their child financially – even if they don’t see them. Child support is a regular payment to the parent who cares for the children most of the time. To help you agree on an amount, work out your current children’s expenses by making a list of what you spend each month. If you can’t reach a private agreement, you can apply for a child support assessment.
Statutory child support is the minimum amount payable. It’s calculated by factoring how much you both earn, the number of children, their ages, how often your children stay over with them, whether they have other children, or children living with them.
For guidance, you can use the Dept. of Human Services child support calculator. However, note that a child support assessment does not generally include private school fees, medical fees or costs associated with extra-curricular activities.
6. Sort Out Your Finances
- Contact Centrelink – As soon as you separate, contact Centrelink and determine if you are entitled to any new or amended Centrelink benefits.
- Gather Financial Information – Ideally, before you separate gather as much financial information about your relationship.
- When reaching a fair family law property settlement, it’s important to have full and frank financial disclosure. This means collecting all relevant financial documents that relate to both your own and your former partner’s assets, liabilities, income, and financial resources.
- These documents typically include bank statements, credit card statements, loan and mortgage documents, payslips, tax returns, superannuation statements, business records, and other asset-related information. Together, they form the basis for determining what’s in the property pool and how it should be divided.
Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for one party to have been excluded from financial matters during the relationship—or for the other party to actively frustrate the disclosure process. In some cases, individuals may even attempt to conceal assets or misrepresent their financial position to gain an unfair advantage.
At Arora Legal, we have helped many individuals obtain financial transparency, particularly in situations where the other party is withholding information or hiding assets. Our legal team is experienced in uncovering financial records through formal requests, subpoenas, and where necessary, court orders. If documents aren’t voluntarily disclosed or you’re unsure of the full extent of the asset pool, we can take steps to obtain this information – although it’s important to be aware that these processes can add to legal costs, particularly if court intervention is required.
That’s why, the more information you can access early in the process, the better positioned your lawyer will be to advise you on your likely entitlement and assist in negotiating a fair and equitable property settlement.
- Close Joint Accounts & Credit Cards – Close joint accounts and credit cards that you have with your ex or put them on hold so neither you nor your ex can take money out or max them out. But before you do, don’t forget to consider payments that have been set up from the accounts – you don’t want to miss payments.
- Open a bank account in your name – Let your employer know (if you’re employed) of your new bank details so that your salary is paid into that account and that you have complete access to your funds.
- Cancel any redraw facility – If you have a redraw facility with your mortgage, cancel it. Alternatively, arrange with your bank that monies can only be withdrawn with joint written consent. The last thing you want to happen is for funds being siphoned off by your ex.
- Agree who pays the mortgage – If you can’t reach an agreement about who will pay the mortgage and for how long, speak to your lender. Most banks will suspend mortgage payment on the grounds of financial hardship until a property settlement is achieved. Usually, the person who remains in possession of the house pays for the mortgage, if they can afford it, or if they can’t, a lesser contribution.
7. Make Or Review Your Will
When you separate, one of the most important things you should do is to change your Will. Many married and de-facto couples make reciprocal Wills appointing each other as their executors and beneficiaries.
However, many married couples fail to appreciate that their current Will remains valid without a Divorce Order, which means your ex-spouse can still inherit your estate. If you were in a de-facto relationship, your separation will not have any impact on your Will either. Worse yet, this can even happen without a Will – so the key takeaway here is to make sure you make a Will or update it.
8. Sever Any Joint Tenancy
If you own property jointly with your ex, you might find that you own the property as joint tenants – many people do. Should that be the case, your share in that property will pass directly to your ex.
You can avoid this by severing the property to be held as tenants in common instead of joint tenants. To change how your property is held, speak to your lender and land titles office. Alternatively, a lawyer can help.
8. Get Early Legal Advice
We plan for lots of things in life and separating needs planning too. This includes obtaining family law legal advice with an experienced family lawyer – not from friends who have been through their own divorce or separation. Time limits may apply to your entitlements after separation, so it’s important to act promptly.
Our compassionate and experienced Brisbane divorce and family lawyers are here to support you with clear, practical advice – so you can move forward with confidence and protect what matters most
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